for friendship to happen, someone has to be brave.

these securely attached people, they tend to assume other people like them.

the most important quality that they look for is someone who makes them feel like they matter.

secure friends, aka super friends. These people are secure with themselves, which means that they don’t have to try to use other people as a tool to fulfill their sense of self or to help them escape threatening emotions or feelings.

the secret to self-control is to give up control.

Whatever choice you make, try to bring a spirit of caring and kindness to yourself

What makes you comfortable can ruin you, and only in a state of discomfort, can you continually grow.

If you don’t want to be deceived, you have to know, what is it that you’re hungry for?

babies will fake a cry, pause, wait to see who’s coming and then go right back to crying.

The Secret to Making New Friends as an Adult

First observation, friendship does not happen organically in adulthood.

Second observation is something called the “liking gap”

when strangers interact and predict how likely the other person is to like them, they underestimate how much the other person likes them.

we’re less likely to be rejected than we think.

If you want to make friends, you have to assume that people like you

“acceptance prophecy”. And when we assume we’ll be liked, we make it more likely that we actually will be liked.

for friendship to happen, someone has to be brave.

one study found that the more time people spend together at work, the less close that they feel.

the most important quality that they look for is someone who makes them feel like they matter.

it’s not about me trying to impress them. It’s about me trying to make them feel valued

Every day in Spanish class, I would ask people to go out to lunch with me.

secure friends, aka super friends. These people are secure with themselves, which means that they don’t have to try to use other people as a tool to fulfill their sense of self or to help them escape threatening emotions or feelings.

Insecurely attached people, they sometimes perceive other people through the lens of their own wounds

anxiously attached people, it’s like, you need to prove to me that you value me and you love me because I’m so afraid that you’re going to abandon me

they’re almost seeing that person as a tool to fulfill their sense of self.

Avoidantly attached people, they just think everybody’s out to harm them and that everybody’s untrustworthy.

these securely attached people, they tend to assume other people like them.

Why You Feel Anxious Socializing (and What to Do about It)

social anxiety is about the fear of being rejected.

people with social anxiety disorder desire strong, healthy, intimate relationships to the same degree as those without mental illness.

The real tragedy of social anxiety is that it robs individuals of their greatest resource: other people.

adults who were diagnosed with both social anxiety disorder and a mood disorder like depression, social anxiety came first 70 percent of the time.

rejection lurks around the corner. But the opportunity for growth and for purpose shines brighter.

What You Can Learn from People Who Disagree With You

An approach that focuses on conversations with the intent to listen and learn. Not to win and not to agree.

it’s hard to break out of your own echo chamber because most of the time we don’t realize that we’re even in one until we’re out of it.

77 percent of American voters polled before the 2020 presidential election said that they had just a few or no close friends who supported the other side’s candidate.

The secret to self control

We’re often just not aware of what we think, what we feel before we act.

I said to Jane, “What would it be like if we tried to honor this feeling of shame as part of the human experience? If you had a close friend who is feeling shame about smoking,”

the secret to self-control is to give up control.

Whatever choice you make, try to bring a spirit of caring and kindness to yourself

The skill of self confidence

The easiest way to build self-confidence: Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Maybe it shouldn’t be repetition, maybe the answer should be persistence.

we all repeat something but very few of us really will persist.

I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate. If I don’t say it, if I don’t believe it, no one else will.

Stop the negative self-talk.

catch them when they are good.

Why comfort will ruin your life

What makes you comfortable can ruin you, and only in a state of discomfort, can you continually grow.

anytime you continually do something, or even think about something the same way, you’ll eventually stop growing.

Is war between China and the US inevitable?

Never before have so many people risen so far so fast, on so many different dimensions.

The past 500 years have seen 16 cases in which a rising power threatened to displace a ruling power. Twelve of those ended in war.

1978 Nine out of every 10 on less than two dollars a day. 40 years later. Fewer than one in 100 today.

Thucydides wrote famously: “It was the rise of Athens and the fear that this instilled in Sparta that made the war inevitable.”

Former Czech president, Vaclav Havel, I think, put it best. He said, “All this has happened so fast, we haven’t yet had time to be astonished.”

few of these wars were initiated by either the rising power or the ruling power. What happens is, a third party’s provocation forces one or the other to react, and that sets in motion a spiral

The bad news is that nobody has a feasible plan for escaping history as usual.

How to make stress your friend

People who experienced a lot of stress in the previous year had a 43 percent increased risk of dying. But that was only true for the people who also believed that stress is harmful for your health.

182,000 Americans died prematurely, not from stress, but from the belief that stress is bad for you.

chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.

How to motivate yourself to change your behavior

warnings have very limited impact on behavior.

three principles that we know really drive your mind and your behavior. social incentives, immediate rewards,progress monitoring.

Highlight the progress, not the decline.

How to spot a liar

everyone is willing to give you something. They’re ready to give you something for whatever it is they’re hungry for.

If you don’t want to be deceived, you have to know, what is it that you’re hungry for?

On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

Extroverts lie more than introverts.

If you’re an average married couple, you’re going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions.

babies will fake a cry, pause, wait to see who’s coming and then go right back to crying.

No mortal can keep a secret.