My team has found that 95% of people think they’re self-aware, (Laughter) but the real number is closer to 10 to 15%.

on a good day - 80% of us are lying to ourselves

“Why me? “ she said it felt like a death sentence.

we just need to change one simple word. Change “why” to “what. “

Imagine if you had a friend who constantly pointed out everything you’re doing wrong, and everything that was wrong with your life. Well, people with anxiety do this to themselves all day long.

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

love can be beautiful, I think it can be exciting; but I think sometimes it can also be an act of escapism.

don’t talk about anything important with your spouse on an empty stomach!

I’m advocating that we feed our brain with healthy foods, such as fruits, veggies, and whole grains, that will keep our glucose levels higher for a longer period of time and at a more stable level.

self-control can also be strengthened with exercise, just like a muscle.

most people don’t get their jobs through their strong ties they instead get jobs through weak ties

though right your weak ties people you just met today they are your ticket to a whole new social world

Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix

Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly, to understand who we are, how others see us and how we fit into the world. Self-awareness gives us power.

My team has found that 95% of people think they’re self-aware, (Laughter) but the real number is closer to 10 to 15%.

on a good day - 80% of us are lying to ourselves

People who introspected were more stressed and depressed, less satisfied with their jobs and their relationships, less in control of their lives.

Self-analysis can trap us in a mental hell of our own making.

when we ask “Why? “ it doesn’t lead us towards the truth about ourselves. It leads us away from it.

Sarah, an education leader, was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 40s. And when she asked, “Why me? “ she said it felt like a death sentence.

we just need to change one simple word. Change “why” to “what. “

Why-questions trap us in that rearview mirror. What-questions move us forward to our future.

Rumi said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I’m wise, so I am changing myself. “

no matter how hard we try, we can’t excavate our unconscious thoughts, feelings and motives. And because so much is hidden from our conscious awareness, we end up inventing answers that feel true but are often very wrong

Stop trying so hard. Achieve more by doing less.

I eventually realized that I had become an achievement addict.

when I talk about the idea of achieving more by doing less, what I’m really referring to here is enhancing downstream effort in our lives in order to reach authentic goals.

when we’re engaged in downstream effort, I believe we’re more likely to experience something called “psychological flow. “

I use the word “authentic success” here, so your success might not look successful to the people around you, but it will feel successful for you internally.

you can ask yourself if it feels like you’re engaged in upstream effort is, Have my values changed?

there’s a term called “wu wei,” which refers to a form of effortless effort.

How to cope with anxiety

the first one is feeling like you’re in control of your life.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time.

do it badly, and you can improve as you go along.

The second coping strategy is to forgive yourself

Imagine if you had a friend who constantly pointed out everything you’re doing wrong, and everything that was wrong with your life. Well, people with anxiety do this to themselves all day long.

last but not least, having a purpose and meaning in life is a very important coping mechanism.

The power of vulnerability

No one wants to talk about shame, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

What they had in common was a sense of courage.

these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.

They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.

they had connection

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.

You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.

Searching for love to escape ourselves

we continued to chase love, because I think love is sold to us as almost like the ultimate solution to ourselves: the things that makes our past okay, that gives us the direction for the future, and imbues our everyday reality with meaning.

love can be beautiful, I think it can be exciting; but I think sometimes it can also be an act of escapism.

in our quest for love sometimes it can be the ultimate distraction to fixing ourselves and doing the real work that will actually make us happy.

there was so much pain and shame in my past I just didn’t want to touch it. And the way I ran away from it is I ran away from it with love and with fantasy.

I see people running away all the time, every single day of their lives.

Don’t get hangry: feed your brain healthy food

the researchers found that the kids who waited for two marshmallows, had more activity in the pre-frontal cortex.

People also have trouble controlling their finances. Some people spend more money than they make.

the best predictor of criminal behavior, especially violent criminal behavior, is poor self-control.

Those with low levels of glucose were much more hangry at their spouse, and they stabbed almost three times more pins in the Voodoo doll than those with high levels of glucose.

don’t talk about anything important with your spouse on an empty stomach! Don’t do it! Right? Instead, you should talk about it over dinner

I’m advocating that we feed our brain with healthy foods, such as fruits, veggies, and whole grains, that will keep our glucose levels higher for a longer period of time and at a more stable level.

self-control can also be strengthened with exercise, just like a muscle.

The power of introverts

these leaders were at the helm not because they enjoyed directing others and not out of the pleasure of being looked at; they were there because they had no choice, because they were driven to do what they thought was right.

Western societies, and in particular the U. S. , have always favored the man of action over the “man” of contemplation.

Strategies to widen your Social Universe

most people don’t get their jobs through their strong ties they instead get jobs through weak ties

though right your weak ties people you just met today they are your ticket to a whole new social world

Is Social Media Hurting Your Mental Health?

We spend on average two hours a day on social media. We don’t even eat for two hours a day.

Anything we spend this much time doing has lasting effects on us.

Social media is our personal highlight reel. It’s where we put up our wins, or when we look great, or when we are out with friends and family.

In social media, these likes, the comments, the shares have become this form of social currency by which we attribute value to something. In marketing, we call it the ‘Economy of Attention’.

The problem is that in our social media, [WE are the product. ]

We are tying up our self-worth of what others think about us and then we are quantifying it for everyone to see.

When we talk about this dark side of social media, what we really talk about is the dark side of people.

How to Talk Like a Native Speaker

if I could only leave you with one thing today, it would be: work on your pronunciation. Because pronunciation helps any stage of the learning process, even in the very beginning. It’ll speed up everything. And it also is the key to reaching a native-speaker level, or almost-native-speaker status.